The Good German Shepherd

Happy New Year's Eve Eve. I've got nothing to do tonight but KNIT... that's right, folks. I've joined the ranks of chicks with sticks. My friend taught me to knit, and there's no turning back. If I could knit and type at the same time, I'd be in business. Alas, I cannot. So I've put my knitting down. For 30 seconds.

Anyway, I decided tonight was a good time to post one of those random-thoughts entries... lots of little crap about lots of little crap.

I saw The Good Shepherd on Wednesday night. How confusing, to have this movie come out at the same time as this one. Hopefully the German is better than the Shepherd, because although the story was good, the film itself dragged on and on in a convoluted mess of flashbacks and minutae that left me with one overwhelming message to Robert DeNiro: Don't quit your day job. Eastwood, you ain't.

While we're on the subject of movies, when I was in Florida I saw "Babel". Call me crazy, but contrary to the "critical acclaim" I've been hearing about, I thought it was just ok. (I will admit that I was also underwhelmed by "Crash", to which it has been compared. I don't like movies that are obviously manipulative. I like to be moved without being SHOVED, you know what I mean?) That's not to say that it didn't have it's memorable moments. The storyline with the Mexican nanny was intense and I've thought about it several times since seeing the film. Brad Pitt was nice to look at, but I left the theater thinking "So what?"

Speaking of Brad Pitt...have you seen the photos in the end of the year People Magazine showing what happens when you mix Pitt genes with Jolie genes? Oh my...the most beautiful baby evah.

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January is going to be TV heaven for me, as The Sopranos will return for its alleged swan song (my prediction: Adriana is not dead. You heard it here first.), American Idol starts up again (am I the only one who HATES the audition nights? Oh sure, William Hung was entertaining, but that was about it. And is he now going by "Will Hung"? I've been curious), and Grey's Anatomy rises out of rerun hell. Edited to say that I just found out that The Sopranos isn't coming back until March. January brings it to A&E, which is kind of ridiculous since it will be censored beyond recognition.




Nip/Tuck's season was way too short, particularly because it was so damned good this year. How creepy was Jacqueline Bisset? The most chilling line in TV script history: "What's the going rate for children's kidneys? I've got two..."




I hope all of the Al Gore naysayers are aware that a big ice shelf just broke off in the Canadian Arctic. I'm as happy as the next clown that it's been almost 60 degrees in the NY area, but I'm also blowing up a few inner tubes to prepare for the impending tsunami. And my next vehicle will be a hybrid, no question about it.

I'm finished with my Invisalign treatment which took 6 months for the top and one year for the bottom, and it's a miracle. My teeth are 100% straight. Amazing what you can do with $6000 these days.

OK, that's it for now. I've got some knitting to do.

Why Dogs Hate Christmas

'nuff said.

Best Christmas Commercial Since Last Year

BMW had to edit out the Nintendo 64 and turn it into some generic "robot" (which kind of dilutes the effect, but clearly it was a licensing issue and BMW can't possibly afford the fees. LOL)

To read the actual story of the "N64 Kids", click here,

Somehow, I'm kicking myself for not having video versions of these two photos!

Kids are Gross!

Which is why they LOVE this book:



Written by my dear friend Joy Masoff, it's a hilarious sequel to her wildly popular

"Oh Yuck!", the Encyclopedia of Everything Nasty.

If you're still wondering what to get those 6-99 year olds on your list, I've solved your problem. (And if you buy Oh Yikes! be sure to read the "thank-you"s... ;)

Jobs You Can Have

I love the fact that the Discovery Channel has a show called "Dirty Jobs". One of my favorite pasttimes over the years as been to identify certain professions as "Jobs You Can Have" (in other words, I ain't doing it).

My choices have usually been things like "Yankee Stadium Dugout Cleaner", "Whitestone Bridge Toll Collector in the Dead of Winter", "Proctologist", "Back of Taxi Cab Mop-Up", etc.

Discovery has their hunky host, Mike Rowe, doing one of my favorites: Road Kill Collector, as well as pig insemination and sewer scrubbing. I'm still waiting to see him take on the dugout. Now THAT is a dirty job!

You can buy a DVD of Mike's adventures here or catch him on the Discovery Channel.

Also... stay tuned here for some upcoming contests and promotions related to both Animal Planet and the Discovery Channel...two big favorites in our house.

"Special" People

Are you one of the Special People? If so, maybe you can give me a peek into the workings of your ego...a little insight into what makes you tick.

Who are the Special People?

- The people who get to park at the curb, illegally, outside our local bagel & coffee place, so they can walk two steps to the entrance instead of the rest of us, the Unspecials, who have to park in the parking lot and take the, oh, 30 steps to the entrance. The Special People's car usually blocks traffic in one direction or another, but that's ok! The Special People need to stay warm and dry.

- The people who drive in the breakdown lane on the highway. Sit in traffic? Not they! I've nearly "met" a few of these Special People as I was exiting the road, because silly me didn't think that someone was barreling up a lane that's not really a lane!

- The people who also don't have the time nor the energy to exit the highway with the rest of the Unspecials. So, while the rest of us might be slowly making our way to the exit ramp, the Special People zip up the middle lane and squeeze their way into the front of the line. I'm sure they would say "pretty please" if they thought anyone could hear them.

- Special People on Foot do this same maneuver in NYC subway stations during rush hour, when throngs of Unspecials are waiting in a long line to board an "up" escalator. The Specials will scoot up to the front and inch their way in front of someone, usually a blind person, but only because Specials have to get to work WAY earlier than the rest of us.

- Special People park in handicapped-only spots, because they ARE handicapped in some way. They have no Humility Bone.

So, if you are a Special Person, please enlighten us. How does it feel? How did you go from being Unspecial to Special? If you're just one of the rest of us, please share your Special People stories. I'm sure there are many.

Are You a Cheapskate?

Original airdate...August 2005



Just turned on The Today Show, and they are doing a segment called "Cheapskate Week". I have to admit that watching this, featuring people who do things like fill their own jelly donuts, make diaper pails out of popcorn tins, and bring ziplock bags to the movies to divide up popcorn... makes my hair go on fire.

One of my ex-husbands said I would "go across the street and around the corner to avoid a sale", and he was probably right. I've only been to Wal-Mart twice (and couldn't wait to get out), don't comparison shop, and am a firm believer in "you get what you pay for". I know it's irrational at times, but hey...I've never claimed to be a completely rational person.

Why this visceral aversion to bargains? As with most of my other neuroses, I have to blame my parents. As children of the Great Depression, they turned penny-pinching into an artform. My mother made a lot of our clothes, and in doing so made them about three sizes too big so they'd fit for several years. This explains why, in most old photos, we look like refugees from Uzbekistan. She also made clothes for my Barbie doll, which was great except for the fact that she didn't want to have to buy special snaps (you know, the right SIZED ones), so the clothes had closures as big as Barbie's head.

Getting a greeting card from my mother meant (and still means) receiving one that had been previously sent to her, with the inside cut out. Better yet, on their anniversary my parents would go to the nearest card store and pick out an appropriate sentiment for each other. Rather than purchase the cards, they would exchange them on the spot. And put them back.

All of the food in our house was "Brand X" or awful store brands like "Ann Page" and "Krasdale". Although my father loved ice cream, the best we got was Breyer's Neopolitan, or maybe a Cookie Puss cake from Carvel for a REALLY special occasion.

My father loved electronics and gadgets of any and every kind (we had air-conditioning before anyone else), but I still remember the "brand names" that graced them all... Setchell-Carlson, Bonsonic, Royce Union... some of which, I think, fell off the back of a truck. Since he was a mailman, our house was FILLED with tiny versions of many products (free samples that had been addressed to houses that didn't exist). We used miniature cans of Rite Guard and Arrid Extra Dry, ate from little packettes of Carnation Instant Breakfast, and read magazines that had a big square cutout on the cover. Occasionally we'd score big and get someone's 8 free records from Columbia House, if they moved away before it was delivered. And there was Joe the Dented Can Man, my father's favorite place to shop for canned food.

I guess it's all about priorities. My parents did manage to raise three kids on a postman's salary (although my mother also worked or collected unemployment most of the time), and we always had new cars that they paid cash for. They never had credit cards until they retired and we never felt like they were strapped for cash. (Then again...who knows? Maybe my father was secretly working in "waste management", if ya know what I mean.)

Still, while I appreciate their efforts, it has left me with a psychotic disdain for sales and bargains.

So... fess up. Are you a Cheapskate? Are you the child of a Cheapskate? Or are you, like me, the Anti-Cheapskate?

What? Me Crazy?

Ok, ok.... I couldn't have been more wrong about Daniel Craig!

I saw Casino Royale last night and it was great. Fun, funny (hilarious at times), action packed, wonderfully scripted and shot, and best of all...the surprising new Bond. Best since Connery, indeed.

There are lines from this film that will live forever...

Bartender: Shaken or stirred?
JB: Do I look like I give a damn?

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Don't forget to shop Amazon through my fun little store! If you're going to Amazon anyway, pick up some ideas from me first!

Survivor!

We made it through my mother's Thanksgiving dinner (turkey cooked by Winn-Dixie). She added all of the "trimmings": StoveTop stuffing, canned cranberries, gravy from a jar. Where I drew the line, however, was when she showed me the instant potatoes and canned yams she intended to serve. Instead, I made mashed white and sweet potatoes, skin on, with roasted garlic. Yum.

Have other kooky stories from our visit, but no time to write them today. Instead, I'll rerun an old favorite about my mother and her culinary talents:



She was probably a little nuts even here, circa 1942, but I think my mother really went off the deep end after she had babies. You'd think she would have stopped after the first one, when she realized how much she didn't like motherhood, but she proceeded to squirt out two more daughters. She pretty much hated all three of us to different degrees and for different reasons but primarily for being young women that my father might be inclined to love. In her mind, there was only room for ONE attractive woman in my dad's life. She never stopped to think about how ugly that made her.

Stories about my mother have the potential to be really sad and horrifying, but she is so warped that one can't help but find humor in them. Think of her as a cross between Edith Bunker and Joan Crawford. She sounds like Edith, but she'd strangle you with a wire hanger in a heartbeat.

She is allegedly not a stupid person. According to her, she was so brilliant as a kid that she skipped fifth grade and graduated from high school at 15. But throughout my life she has come up with the most ridiculous definitions, pronunciations and "facts" that I have to believe she graduated from 1929's version of the Sally Struthers Institute of Medical Transcription and Air Conditioner Repair.

From the time I was about 5, if I complained about anything she'd accuse me of being an "ingrate" because I had put her through fourteen hours of back labor before my breech arrival. Or, as she put it, "you were born rectum first". Apparently I came into the world inside out.

Dinner at our house was a real festival. The fun would begin with the array of slop my mother would try to pass off as food, brought to the table in scorched pots and pans. Meat of any kind was either overcooked beyond recognition or swimming in blood. Chicken was boiled. Steaks were fried and served with 2 inches of fat, meant to be ingested, because "it makes your hair shiny." Vegetables came in cans. When my middle sister moved out she called me one night just to say, "Asparagus is actually good."

I recently came up with a list of appropriately named dishes that were a regular part of my mother's culinary repertoire. I figure I'd better make fun of her now, while she's still alive. Here's what's on the menu:

Bazooka Beef - made with the cheapest cut of chuck steak, cooked to death in tomato sauce. I would literally cry eating this because my jaws would ache as if I had chewed 30 pieces of bubble gum.

Mushrooms a Morte - cooked to death. "Sauteed" until they were drowning in their own blackened juices

Flaccid Asparagus - the above-mentioned canned vegetable of choice

Chinese Toast - she'd serve frozen egg rolls for breakfast because, well, they have EGGS in them, right?

Decidedly Lacking-in-Cream Puffs (file under The Frugal Chef)

Triple-Bypass Spaghetti Sauce - served with an inch of floating grease on top

Triple-Bypass Chicken Soup -see above

The Peek-a-Boo ICU Sundae - vanilla ice cream, topped with sour cream

Yes, my father died of a heart attack. My mother, however, is still kicking at 84 and remarkably healthy. I suspect she was ordering takeout and eating it on the sly.

Southern Hospitality

My son and I hopped a plane this morning and flew down to visit my mother here in [freezing] Florida. Figuring that I might be able to hijack a neighbor's wireless network, I brought the laptop.

What I hadn't bargained for was the NAME of the neighbor's network:



Enjoy your Thanksgiving, read my nostalgic T-Day post below, and then shop at my Amazon store!

You Shouldn't Have!

I hate to shop. Seriously. I don't like walking through malls, sifting through sale racks, trying things on. (I never try anything on. I also rarely return anything. You do the math.)

However, I *do* love buying stuff online. And I really love finding the coolest presents for people. The things that say "I know who you are." (I rarely ask "What do you want?" because I think that ruins the fun part of gift-giving.)

So, even though I may not know you, or the people you are buying gifts for this year, I have tons of ideas for you. Books, CDs, DVDs, etc. etc. How convenient that Amazon.com has given me the ability to build a custom online store to share with my blog readers!

I'll be leaving the link to "You Shouldn't Have!" in my sidebar, and I'll be adding to and updating the store on a regular basis. Hope you'll stop by and pick up a few things.

Factoid #13 - Panthergirl's Cult Film Appearance

Yes...it's a retread. But an old one, so hopefully many of you haven't seen it.



As reported in my 100 Factoids, I have a 10-second cameo appearance in the very last segment of the cult film "The Groove Tube" (filmed in 1971 when I was not quite 16 years old.)

Although many people know about the movie, they don't know that it actually originated as a television production that was shown on closed-circuit tv sets in a small upper East Side theater called "Channel One". My friends and I went to see it a couple of times and were huge fans. Most of the segments in the movie were retreads from the Channel One days.

During the summer of 1971, I was working in Manhattan with my aunt at an allergist's office. Most days I wore a nurse's uniform (yeah, yeah...lots of stories about THAT, too) but this was not one of them. As I was on my way out to lunch, my aunt gave me a pack of checks to deposit at the bank. Thousands of dollars. I went to the bank, made the deposit, but on the way back, as I walked down Park Avenue, Ken Shapiro in his pink suit began to sing and dance around me. I saw all the cameras but just assumed they were doing another Channel One thing.

They told me it was for a feature film and asked me to go back to the corner and do several takes. Hundreds of people were inside the lobby of the building, watching the whole scene. The camera guys were cute so I hung out...they asked me to go see the "rushes" the following day. I signed a release (no one ever bothered to see if I was actually 18), they gave me $1, and off I went.

When I excitedly got back to the doctor's office, TWO HOURS later, my glee was quickly extiniguished by my FURIOUS aunt who thought I had been mugged and killed for the deposit money. Needless to say, I didn't get to see the rushes the next day. What you can't see in the clip is that my hair was really, really long which made me pretty recognizable. For the next several weeks people would stop me on the street and say "Weren't you the girl who was in that movie on Park Avenue?"

See my 10 second clip HERE

Is it me...

EDITED TO SAY THAT WITH THE 11/16 EPISODE, GREY'S HAS REDEEMED ITSELF WITH ME.




...or is Grey's Anatomy getting dangerously close to jumping the shark?

As noted in an earlier post, I crammed Seasons One and Two into a few, bleary-eyed weeks prior to the premiere of the third season. I watched 3, 4 or 5 episodes in a row, often discovering that it was 3 AM and I had to get up for work in a few hours. I watched episodes over and over, and felt as close to being in love with a TV show as one could be. In love. Not just "enjoying", but in love.

I was thrilled to find the official writers' blog called "Grey Matter" on the ABC site. I listened to Shonda Rhimes and Betsey Beers, executive producers, talk about episodes on their podcast. Yes, I was in love.

Then Season Three began. Started out pretty strong, but something felt odd... like when someone you know looks different, but you can't quite figure out what she did, and then you realize she had her eyebrows waxed. Not a dramatic thing, but different nonetheless.

I liked the "Meredith on drugs" week, but by the third episode or so, I was BORED. Can you imagine? Bored. The week before the reruns was the worst. And then the writer's blog was stormed by angry viewers' asking what the HELL was going on with the show. Yet Shonda and Betsey continued to podcast with aplomb... rather self-satisfied and seemingly unfazed by the viewer base that was not quite leaving the room, but eyeing the doors.

This week, most commenters seemed to LOVE the "Where the Boys Are" episode, while I was left feeling 'eh'. Are they trying too hard? Are they thinking that Thursday nights require something different than Sunday nights? I don't know. I just think they've lost their way. I want each episode to have the impact of "Into You Like a Train", or the two-part bomb episode which may be one of the finest 120 minutes that ever aired. Ever.

So, Grey's Anatomy writers, want to see how to keep a show fresh, exciting, but not completely reinvent all your characters? Not have them do ridiculous things that run counter to everything you've told us about them? Not throw all continuity and timelines out the window to the point where we're saying, "Wait...didn't he once say...?"

Watch Nip/Tuck. Delivers with a bang, every single week.

A Sweet Sentiment from "Mutts"

click to enlarge

Come on'a My House...My House

America has come to her senses!!

Vote Early and Often!

Get out there, beat the Republicans, and make Premier George Walter Bush cry!

The Most Offensive (and Smartest) Film You'll See This Year

"Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan" is wildly funny, mindbendingly gross, and brilliant. Sascha Baron Cohen NEVER breaks character, ever. I've seen him on "Da Ali G Show" on HBO (where this character originated), and I've always been amazed at his ability to become this outrageous person and put people in situations where they bare every racist, sexist and anti-Semitic dark secret they've got. Because they think he's just like them.

He is so good at what he does that it's easy to forget what he's doing, and start to squirm at some of the blackest, but most side-splitting moments. And at times, it's pretty sad to see what people will freely offer up when they think it's "safe". (Like the Virginia rodeo guy who agrees with Borat that hanging homosexuals is a good idea. "We're trying to do that here, too!")

The filmmakers insist that every scene in the film is unstaged. I do have a hard time believing that, but even so...it hardly matters. There are definitely enough very real situations where you're left wondering how he doesn't get himself KILLED, but also admiring him for the huge set of nuts (seen here) he has, and his willingness to use them to expose the dark underbelly of some Americans.

At the same showing, I saw a preview for the new James Bond film. I'm sorry, folks. Daniel Craig just doesn't do it for me. All I could think about when I saw his face on screen was another all-American hero. I give you:

No Joke Too Cheap

"Greyhound's Anatomy". That's right. Lucas, Kelso (as "Dr. McDoggy") and I dressed up as surgeons from "Seattle Greys Hospital". Lucas said "Kids won't get the joke!" To which I replied, "Who cares?"

Doesn't he know? Halloween is all about entertaining ME.

And you.

The Upside of Corporate Life

Although it's often not much fun to work in a huge global corporation, occasionally it has its perks. Every year, I go to the Design Management Institute conference which is usually in Cape Cod at the Chatham Bars Inn which is quite lovely. But THIS year, it has moved to the Equinox Spa and Resortin Manchester, VT. The place looks amazing and I'm really looking forward to the trip. (check out the photo gallery when you click the link)

My daughter is coming to stay with Lucas, so fingers crossed there that they get up in time to get him off to school each day. I'm using my usual approach of "I'll pay you both for a good week, but if I get ONE non-emergency phone call about you guys fighting, then NO ONE gets the money." My sister gave me that tip and it works great. I never get the "She won't let me watch TV!!!" or "He won't get off the computer!!!" calls. (Yes, she's 21 and he's 11. Does that make a difference? Nope. Siblings are siblings.)

So.... while I'll have my laptop I doubt I'll have much if any time to blog or read blogs... so please drop a note if you swing by and I promise to catch up and post a lot more when I return.

Now... aren't you jealous?

Photo Friday: Innocence

The first of several Halloween posts I'm planning, I think these qualify for this week's theme of "Innocence" because poor baby Lucas was far too innocent to appreciate the hilarity of his Alfalfa costume (btw...the hair was done with egg whites, just the way the punksters did it in the 80s). My then 10-year-old daughter was dressed as, in her words, a "wacky travel agent". I think she looks about 35!

Anyway, it might be a stretch... but I love these photos.