Thursday, January 18, 2007

Pick-up Schtick



A few posts ago I cited the "Did you lose 100 pounds?" alleged-compliment I received a few weeks ago. That reminded me of somthing I posted in 2005. Here it is, again, because some things are just worth repeating:

I first met Ralph at a friendly neighborhood tennis round-robin about two years ago. He was clearly trying to chat me up that night, but eventually said
"I'd love to call you, you know, to go out sometime? But it can't be on a Saturday night because I keep hoping that my ex-wife will want to get back together with me, so I try to keep Saturday nights open for her, you know, in case she calls and wants to see me."

HUH? Now, Ralph really didn't have a chance even before mentioning the ex-wife-in-waiting. But the pick-up line? That sealed the deal.

Over the years, I've heard some real doozies. Along with Ralph's oh-so-sexy come on, there are two crazy scenarios that stand out in my mind:

After my second wedding, my new husband and I went to Bermuda. We met another honeymooning couple in a bar one night and played a wickedly competitive game of darts with them. After his eleventy-seventh drink, the husband of the other couple leaned over and said, "Where have you been all my life?"

Another bizarro incident happened with a dad at the playground a few years ago. I was there with Lucas, and the dad was there with his two little boys. All three kids played together happily and I carried on what I thought was polite and witty conversation with Dad. When it was time to leave, he said "It was really great hanging out with you. Please don't tell me your name, because I'm afraid I might call it out at the wrong time, if you know what I mean." Hokey dokey...

The award for Most Memorable, though, goes to this one: In the Flashdance-inspired fashion of the 80s, I had a pair of Edwin brand stone-washed, skin-tight jeans. As I strutted my stuff down a crowded Manhattan street, a bike messenger whizzed by and yelled, "Hey baby! You got MY name on YO' ass!"

I'm sure that women say equally insane things to men, so the guys should feel free to weigh in: What is the worst/dumbest/craziest pick-up line you've ever heard?

Kenju reminded me of a good pickup line I had posted about the first time I ran this entry: A very dorky bank teller, circa 1978, who clearly knew how to compensate: He looked up at me and said "May I just say that you are exquisitely beautiful?" Exquisite?? Guys... take notes. Exquisite is a word that might get you laid. (It didn't, in his case, but I'm still talking about him!)

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