No Joke Too Cheap

"Greyhound's Anatomy". That's right. Lucas, Kelso (as "Dr. McDoggy") and I dressed up as surgeons from "Seattle Greys Hospital". Lucas said "Kids won't get the joke!" To which I replied, "Who cares?"

Doesn't he know? Halloween is all about entertaining ME.

And you.

The Upside of Corporate Life

Although it's often not much fun to work in a huge global corporation, occasionally it has its perks. Every year, I go to the Design Management Institute conference which is usually in Cape Cod at the Chatham Bars Inn which is quite lovely. But THIS year, it has moved to the Equinox Spa and Resortin Manchester, VT. The place looks amazing and I'm really looking forward to the trip. (check out the photo gallery when you click the link)

My daughter is coming to stay with Lucas, so fingers crossed there that they get up in time to get him off to school each day. I'm using my usual approach of "I'll pay you both for a good week, but if I get ONE non-emergency phone call about you guys fighting, then NO ONE gets the money." My sister gave me that tip and it works great. I never get the "She won't let me watch TV!!!" or "He won't get off the computer!!!" calls. (Yes, she's 21 and he's 11. Does that make a difference? Nope. Siblings are siblings.)

So.... while I'll have my laptop I doubt I'll have much if any time to blog or read blogs... so please drop a note if you swing by and I promise to catch up and post a lot more when I return.

Now... aren't you jealous?

Photo Friday: Innocence

The first of several Halloween posts I'm planning, I think these qualify for this week's theme of "Innocence" because poor baby Lucas was far too innocent to appreciate the hilarity of his Alfalfa costume (btw...the hair was done with egg whites, just the way the punksters did it in the 80s). My then 10-year-old daughter was dressed as, in her words, a "wacky travel agent". I think she looks about 35!

Anyway, it might be a stretch... but I love these photos.

I Crack Me Up

Looking through the archives for something fun to re-run. I'm tired and sick (and sick and tired) so I just can't muster up anything funny and/or interesting to say. I laugh every time I read this particular post, though. Dylan is now full grown, still alive, and about 24" long.)





Meet Dylan, the Bearden Dragon. This story will give you a little insight into the way things work at Chez Panthergirl. Last September, I took my son on a routine visit to Petsmart to buy dog food for Kelso, and the following conversation ensued:

Lucas: Mom, can I buy an Anole??

Me: [buy an asshole? WTF?] What's an Anole, honey?

L: It's a lizard.

M: Let's see it. [ok, it's just a little thing. What the heck. Then again, don't want a pet that's going to croak in a week. We've had our share of untimely death in this family.]

M (to dorky salesguy): Is this thing going to croak in a week?

Dork: Yeah, probably. You'd be better off with a Bearded Dragon.

M: [Hm. Anole, $15. Bearded Dragon, $79. A lizard that doesn't croak in a week: Priceless.] Ok, he's pretty cute.

L: Yeah! Yeah! I'm going to name him Dylan after my cousin and a kid I knew at camp.

The bearded dragon was about 5" long and just a baby. They actually grow to 24" or so, which sounded pretty cool. You can walk them on a leash. Dorky Salesguy shows me the $200+ worth of stuff I need to get for said dragon, and off we go. Dragon takes enormous dump in the shoebox we're given to take him home. P.U.

After setting up his elaborate habitat, I proceed to join the Yahoo! Group for Beaded Dragon people (see, this is what I do. I jump into whatever it is with both feet and an arm or two. That's how I wind up married 3 times. Nothing is done halfway around here.) I learn from the "Pogona" (genus name?) group that almost everything I bought is totally and completely WRONG, and if I don't get the right lights and the right food and the right substrate, I'm going to wind up with a croaked-lizard afterall.

After about two weeks of buying and returning and buying and returning, Dylan was on the road to a happy and healthy lifestyle. (I, on the other hand, was broke and exhausted.) I became an expert in cricket-keeping as well. But it wasn't fun keeping a pet for your pet, especially a particularly gross one. I have since switched to silkworms and if you think that's gross, you never dealt with crickets. Besides, I can mail order them. You should see the faces of the mailroom guys when the box labeled LIVE WORMS arrives for me at work.

Dylan is now about 14" long and I have to admit that I really dig him. He's a lot of work at times (my mornings weren't crazy enough without having to make a freakin' SALAD for my lizard), but he's clean and quiet and actually likes us. And look how smart he is! He figured out how to tilt his dish in order to get to his food. Aw.

"All My Meerkats"

If you're not watching Meerkat Manor on Animal Planet, you're really missing something. It's the ultimate animal soap opera. As my son said, "Boy they really like mating, don't they??" Um yeah, kid...you'll understand in a couple of years!

The Dark Side of "David"

Anyone who has ever sat in a dentist's office in the US has read a "Highlights" magazine for kids. One of my favorite features was Goofus and Gallant, a little comic strip about twin brothers...one a devilish ne'er-do-well, the other a terminal goody-goody.

Michael C. Hall, mostly "Gallant" as David on Six Feet Under is most definitely "Goofus" as Dexter on the new Showtime offering of the same name. Oh, David had his bad-boy moments for sure... but they were nothing compared to the Robin Hood of serial killers that he plays in this show.

I got a sneak peek at the first episode and agreed to review it here. It was interesting enough...twisted, adopted child of a cop grows up to use his murderous nature to snuff out the bad guys that have escaped the long arm of the law. It's a Black Magic/White Magic thing, and Hall is always great to watch. It's particularly fun to watch him in this role which couldn't be more different from his last.

The supporting cast is mostly good as well. I love Lauren Velez (the nurse on HBO's now-defunct "Oz" who had the bizarro love connection with the oh-so-sexy inmate who loved her so much he killed her husband) but I absolutely cannot stand the actress who plays Dexter's confused girlfriend. She's a less appealing version of Anne Heche, if there is such a thing. I'm hoping her character will do something bad really soon so Dexter can chop her up into little pieces and store a drop of her blood in his file box. Or break up with her, at the very least.

So, it's an interesting premise with mostly terrific actors. Why was I not clamoring for episode two? When I rented season one and two of Grey's Anatomy last month, I would watch as many episodes as I could, until my eyeballs were popping out. I watched "Dexter", I liked it well enough, but it didn't stick. I wasn't left clawing at the screen for more.

I'm not a Showtime subscriber and I doubt I'll become one just to watch "Dexter". Now, "Weeds".... that might be another story.

Angel in the Outfield, Indeed - REDUX

It's another sad day for Yankee fans, so I thought I'd re-post this to bring a smile back to our faces. R.I.P. Corey Lidle



Those who have been reading this blog for awhile know the story of my ex-husband who died two years ago of lung cancer leaving my then-eight-year-old son fatherless.

With the impending baseball season upon us, I thought this would be a good time for the update on Tony's ashes. As written previously, he left explicit instructions for his ashes to be spread at Yankee Stadium. When I say "explicit", I mean not just scattered anywhere, but put in specific places around the field, clubhouse, Memorial Park, etc.

As you may or may not know, you cannot legally do this. During the past football season, a guy was tackled and arrested as he ran, spreading the ashes of his Philadelphia Eagles' fanatic mother over the 50 yard line. Call them crazy, but security isn't wild about people dropping white powdery stuff in public places.

Tony wasn't your average sports fan. He was nuts. I loved the Yankees since childhood, but his fanatacism was actually such a bone of contention in our relationship that it made me hate baseball (temporarily). He could not miss a game. Not one. So, when Lucas was little and the sun was shining, Tony would refuse to leave the house on Saturdays and Sundays...even to take his son out to play. (He would often fall asleep during the game anyway, which just made me madder!). He would come home and announce, "We traded so-and-so!" to which I was known to respond, "When Steinbrenner is writing your check, "we" will be trading players." And it wasn't just the Yankees. When the Knicks lost a playoff game in '94 (I think), Tony went to the bathroom and vomited. We were moving that year, and instead of packing he sat and watched basketball every night. When the movers arrived, we were not ready and it cost us an additional $1200!!! Don't get me started. Anyway, enough of that. Back to the ashes.

A few weeks ago, Tony's brother-in-law went on a tour of the stadium with his son and their friends. He wore a sweatshirt and put the ashes in his front pocket. As they toured the stadium, he hung back and dropped handsful of ashes in all of the designated spots. He even went one better... he went to the bat rack in the Yankee dugout, and put a little bit of Tony in every single bat slot.

So... when Jeter hits his first home run this year, Tony will be riding high!

Photo Friday: Thin

OK, so it's a crappy still from a video. But I couldn't resist posting this picture of me from 1990 for today's "thin" theme...because at the time, I thought I was FAT!!!

Figured that would be good for a laugh (or a cry).

Perfect Post - September

A monthly blog award hosted by Lucinda and Momma K.



My choice for the Perfect Post of September was easy, in terms of the blog, but hard to pick which of four postings to choose. The awardee is Karl of Secondhand Tryptophan. When Karl was turning 40 a few weeks ago, he asked his readers to submit dares that Karl would perform, on video. He narrowed them down to four and they are ALL amazing and hilarious (#4 is particularly amazing).

However, the one I've chosen as the Perfect Post is Birthday Dare #3: Superman.

All I can say is, empty bladder before watching.

Congrats, Karl!

Cool Boys Don't Clap

Yesterday I went to see "Jersey Boys" on Broadway. As I've posted previously, my husband #2 (not the father of either of my children, those would be #1 and #3) is a Local One stagehand and although we were only married for a short time, he has continued to be a family friend. My daughter was 3-5 years old when we were together, and he remains a wonderful presence in her life.

About once a year he'll get us house seats for a show that he's working, or that a friend of his is working. This year it was "Jersey Boys" and he came along, as well as my daughter and her boyfriend. He's 20, she's 21. Deliver me.

Remember that book "Smart Women, Foolish Choices"? Uh huh. This is Mr. No Social Skills, WAY too cool to applaud, with the "I'm so bored" look on his face that is SO endearing. Although this was only the second time I met him, there was no attempt to impress me. No Eddie Haskell, he. She is warm, open, adorable if somewhat immature...and living with this guy whose idol is Charles Bukowski, and whose career goal is to become head cashier at Home Depot (a job that my daughter has to drive him to, because he has no license).

Having been exposed to the theater at such a young age, my daughter has always been drawn to it. Husband #2, in addition to backstage work, attended a major acting school in NYC.. He has offered to pay for Emma to attend that school's 2 year program and live in his apartment rent free (he's got a big rent-stabilized place with a back bedroom and separate entrance...it would be amazing for her). As long as Mr. Happy is in her life, she won't accept the offer.

What's a mother to do? (I know.... absolutely nothing. She's got to figure this one out herself.)

On the up side, the show was amazing, and we went backstage to get a close-up look at the props as we always do. We met a few of the guys in the cast (we were lucky enough to see all of the original cast members) and for some reason, John Stamos was back there chatting with some people. I love New York.