Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Dixie Martin, in the Drawing Room, with the Pancakes

As previously noted, I'm a long-time (as in "from the beginning") fan of All My Children. For most of its run, it has been hilarious...never taking itself very seriously, highlighted by the campy-genius of characters like Erica Kane and the wry Tad Martin.

In recent weeks, however, the show has taken a turn for the worse. Some veteran actors have been let go, and replaced by shrieking teenagers and insufferable trannies, and the writers have resorted to cliché tactics like "Who's the Serial Killer?". Now we're not stupid. We know that Soap Opera serial killers are really just corporate hatchet men who decide that the cast needs a facelift of sorts, and it's not a Botox party.

Cady McClain, the actress who has played Dixie Martin for years, dared to write candidly about these dicey management choices on her ABC-sponsored blog, and found herself written off shortly thereafter...the most recent victim of food poisoning, as in "poison put into food" by the serial killer. (It would have been cereal, if this were the old AMC.)

To read the details of Dixie's demise, with a punchline that I cannot believe he posted before I could, go to Citizen of the Month and read Neil's side-splitting take on this momentous occasion.

Sunday, January 28, 2007

I'm Not a Violent Person...

...but I just wrote a big, long, high-larious post about the search terms that bring people to this place and Blogger ATE the whole friggin' thing.

And yes, that's peacenik-me looking to shoot someone's eye out.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Dream On!

OK, I'll confess: I didn't bother to watch Bush deliver his "State of the Union" address last night (did he finally admit that the Earth is round? That the sun rises in the East and sets in the West? Whew. Good!) but I did not leave for work in the morning until the Oscar nominations were broadcast live during The Today Show. I do have my priorities.

I was mostly pleased, and quite frankly don't understand what the hooplah is about "Dreamgirls" not getting the nod for Best Picture. It wasn't the Best Picture, it wasn't even the Almost Best Picture. It was the OK Picture, and they don't give an Oscar for that. While entertaining, I thought it was light on story and heavy on music (unlike the BRILLIANT "Chicago", which I put in a league with "West Side Story" as far as Broadway-to-film adaptations go). And what was with the singing of dialogue here and there? You either sing it or you don't. Eddie Murphy was terrific and Jennifer Hudson tore up the joint with her "moment", but I'm slightly reluctant to call her an actor just yet.

Loved "The Queen" and "Little Miss Sunshine" (my personal favorite of the bunch) and I've already weighed in on "Babel". I don't get it. I think they got confused between that and the other five letter movie name that starts with a B. And speaking of Borat, passing over Sascha Baron-Cohen for Best Actor is just insane. Seriously.

I still need to see the other two films, and hope I can do that before the awards. I like to stay current, you know. Which is why I watched American Idol on TV last night instead of the Knucklehead-in-Chief.

Monday, January 22, 2007

And He's Going to Grow Up to Look Like This

There are sports fans, and then their are sports fans. As some of you know, I was married to the second kind. The kind that vomits (not kidding) when the Knicks lose in the playoffs.

Well, this couple takes the cake. If you haven't read or heard the story already, this woman had her labor induced so her husband could attend the Bears' playoff game yesterday.

At first blush this may seem like a cute and romantic thing to do. But if you know anything at all about childbirth, inducing labor is not a risk-free thing to opt for. It causes unnaturally strong contractions that can put the fetus in distress. It can be the first step on the road to an unnecessary c-section (major surgery).

While it's probably unlikely, it would be delightful if the kid turned out to be a Colts fan.

Sunday, January 21, 2007

Three Cheers for Sally Lieber

‘Spare the rod’ could be law
Legislator wants California to ban hitting a child under age 4.
Los Angeles Times

SACRAMENTO, Calif. | Assemblywoman Sally Lieber hit a nerve when she mused publicly last week about making it illegal for parents to strike children younger than age 4.

Lieber, a Democrat, hasn’t introduced a bill, but criticism has flooded her offices since her local paper wrote about her intention.

Unbowed, Lieber said that she will introduce a bill this week to make California the first state to make any hitting of a toddler or baby a crime.

Lieber is considering making the violation a misdemeanor, punishable by as much as a year in the county jail.

“It would get us out of the ridiculous situation of having our law saying there’s justifiable beating of children, in the midst of a society where we say we value children and protect them,” Lieber said.

Readers of the San Jose Mercury News blasted the idea. “Although I don’t believe in spanking, I sure do not need some media-grubbing politician to tell me how to raise my kids,” wrote one. However, Lieber said she is confident that she will win Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger’s support.

In a Mercury News interview Thursday, Schwarzenegger, a Republican, described how as a child he “got smacked about everything” by his father, but has never spanked his own four children. He questioned how such a law could be enforced, but said he understands the desire to “get rid of the physical, the brutal behavior that some parents have.”

Schwarzenegger’s native Austria banned all corporal punishment of children in 1989. Fifteen other nations have done so, most in Europe, according to the Center for Effective Discipline in Columbus, Ohio. California is one of 29 states that ban corporal punishment in schools.


My only complaint is that the law would not go far enough. Similar laws are already in place for daycare facilities, schools, etc. and there have not been "frivolous" prosecutions. Children need to be protected against assault in the same way that adults are. Even if this law does not pass, it is so important to get people talking about it. I'm doing my part here.

I know this is a real hot-button issue, which is why I had to turn off comments on my other blog. People who want to hit their kids REALLY want to hit their kids, and get ugly about it.

Friday, January 19, 2007

Photo Friday: Fast

There's a reason we call our retired racing greyhounds "45 MPH Couch Potatoes".

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Pick-up Schtick

A few posts ago I cited the "Did you lose 100 pounds?" alleged-compliment I received a few weeks ago. That reminded me of somthing I posted in 2005. Here it is, again, because some things are just worth repeating:

I first met Ralph at a friendly neighborhood tennis round-robin about two years ago. He was clearly trying to chat me up that night, but eventually said
"I'd love to call you, you know, to go out sometime? But it can't be on a Saturday night because I keep hoping that my ex-wife will want to get back together with me, so I try to keep Saturday nights open for her, you know, in case she calls and wants to see me."

HUH? Now, Ralph really didn't have a chance even before mentioning the ex-wife-in-waiting. But the pick-up line? That sealed the deal.

Over the years, I've heard some real doozies. Along with Ralph's oh-so-sexy come on, there are two crazy scenarios that stand out in my mind:

After my second wedding, my new husband and I went to Bermuda. We met another honeymooning couple in a bar one night and played a wickedly competitive game of darts with them. After his eleventy-seventh drink, the husband of the other couple leaned over and said, "Where have you been all my life?"

Another bizarro incident happened with a dad at the playground a few years ago. I was there with Lucas, and the dad was there with his two little boys. All three kids played together happily and I carried on what I thought was polite and witty conversation with Dad. When it was time to leave, he said "It was really great hanging out with you. Please don't tell me your name, because I'm afraid I might call it out at the wrong time, if you know what I mean." Hokey dokey...

The award for Most Memorable, though, goes to this one: In the Flashdance-inspired fashion of the 80s, I had a pair of Edwin brand stone-washed, skin-tight jeans. As I strutted my stuff down a crowded Manhattan street, a bike messenger whizzed by and yelled, "Hey baby! You got MY name on YO' ass!"

I'm sure that women say equally insane things to men, so the guys should feel free to weigh in: What is the worst/dumbest/craziest pick-up line you've ever heard?

Kenju reminded me of a good pickup line I had posted about the first time I ran this entry: A very dorky bank teller, circa 1978, who clearly knew how to compensate: He looked up at me and said "May I just say that you are exquisitely beautiful?" Exquisite?? Guys... take notes. Exquisite is a word that might get you laid. (It didn't, in his case, but I'm still talking about him!)

Haloscan is showing 0 comments because it is stupid, and if you just change the date on an old post it shows 0 comments forever. Weird.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Ugly Booby

Dear Salma,

Please return the two half-cantaloupes that you stole from the North Hollywood Stop 'n Shop.

Thank you.

The Management

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

I Want.... I Want....

Just when you think that Apple couldn't possibly come up with anything cooler... there's this. It's not just a phone that plays music (see "Chocolate"). It's an iPod phone that runs OS X.

Now excuse me while I wipe the drool off my keyboard.

Monday, January 08, 2007

Forget Elvis...

... my little boy turned TWELVE today.

He's in good company. Also born today? Steven Hawking, David Bowie and my personal favorite: Soupy Sales. I'd say that Lucas is a combination of all of them.

I bought him an iPod shuffle, and unfortunately the one thing he appears to have inherited from his father is his er, interesting singing voice. Think Eddie Murphy in "48 Hours". Yowza. I've created a monster, but he's deliriously happy so it's worth an investment in cotton balls.

Some of you may remember the $7500 he raised for the victims of Hurricane Katrina (and his appearance on the CBS Early Show). He continues to be a very generous spirit, spending every afternoon with an 89 year old neighbor who lost his wife a few months ago. They play cards, checkers, and he's also come home with some colorful WW II stories about the SeaBees. (I had to explain that some of the terms the old guy uses to describe the enemy are not, as Lucas assumed, "nicknames".)

And as I usually do in posts like this, I will take the opportunity once again to tell every person out there, and particularly every PARENT, to STOP SMOKING. This is the fourth birthday that Lucas cannot share with his father, thanks to cigarettes. Not worth it, folks. He loves his iPod, and is listening to a lot of music that they enjoyed together, but he'd rather have his Dad.

Saturday, January 06, 2007

Right After "Yes, Your Ass Looks Fat In That"...

...the dumbest thing a man can say to a woman is "WOW! You look great!! Did you lose like 100 pounds?"

I'm not making this up.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Happy 2nd Bloggaversary to ME

In self-celebration, I'm rerunning one of my VERY first posts ever... entitled "Dominick Dumb"

You know, there’s a reason that defense attorneys want to weed out “victims of violent crimes” when selecting a jury. Because it’s really, really hard for those people to separate the scum-of-the-earth who victimized them or a member of their family from the ALLEGED scum-of-the-earth who is on trial.

Nowhere does this make itself more evident than in the revenge-riddled ramblings of Dominick Dunne, and it has finally come to bite him in the ass.

My hate-affair with Dunne began during the first trial of the Menendez Brothers. As sick/sad/pathetic as it may sound, I was so fascinated with that trial that I taped the Court TV proceedings every day and watched all 7 hours or so every night. It was, oddly enough, the first time in my life that I really understood the cliché “Don’t believe everything you read.” I’d watch the trial and then read some newspaper’s recounting of the proceedings the following day and think, “What the fuck trial were you watching?” After witnessing the entire thing…and we are talking weeks and weeks of testimony…I would have acquitted the Menendez guys. No question. I watched prosecution witnesses lie on the stand and be CAUGHT, dead to rights CAUGHT, in their lies. One after another. Jamie Pisarchik, a former girlfriend of Lyle, testified that Lyle sent her to a law library to look up cases of kids who killed their parents and got away with it. She claimed that she found these cases and delivered the information. WRONG. The defense attorney (not Leslie Abramson, the other one) pointed out that if these “kids” had been found not guilty their cases wouldn’t EXIST in a law library.

Anyway, I could go on and on about that trial…it was a travesty, wound up in a hung jury, and the guys went on to be convicted in subsequent trials that were bullshit too. My point is that Dominick Dunne was a vulture about that case. He wrote a piece of crap article in Vanity Fair that skewed the facts beyond belief. And now, it turns out he smeared the name of Gary Condit based on the “facts” provided to him by a Horse Whisperer??

Yes, I feel sorry for Dunne’s personal tragedy (his daughter was killed by an ex-boyfriend, if you don’t’ already know that). But that does not give him the right to go around verbally convicting everyone that he believes is guilty. If he were a mere blogger it wouldn’t be so harmful. But the guy is a “respected” journalist and with the exception of those those who taped every hour of the Menendez trial, people do believe what they read.