I Just Don't Get It

As I mentioned in yesterday's post, today is the anniversary of Tony's death. I'm sure, since he is survived by six brothers and sisters, that our phone will be ringing off the hook with calls of support for Lucas. You know, their 10 year old nephew?

NOT.

It's not like they don't acknowledge the day...one of them will have a Mass for Tony. Such hypocrites.Three of these people live about 40 miles away from us. They have children, Lucas' cousins, that he loves. One sister has taken Lucas for a weekend (twice in two years), one took him for a few days last summer and didn't bother to give him his medication. Then she complained that he was difficult to deal with. Um, ok...

Only one sister, who lives in Texas, even acknowledged his 10th birthday last January. She sent him a lovely letter about how Tony had bought her a bike for her 10th birthday, so she was sending Lucas money to buy a bike. She came to NY to visit friends a few months later and "forgot" to call us.

Only one sister sent him a donation for his Katrina fundraiser. All of these people have money. A few are downright wealthy. (The sister who has taken him for a weekend owns a bathing suit company. She goes on QVC and sells $2MM worth of suits an hour. She's not the one who donated.)

We have heard nothing at all from his uncles, except for one email in response to the fundraiser that bragged about the guy's low golf handicap. Excuse me, but who gives a flying fuck?

Wouldn't you think they would want to reach out to their brother's son, a little boy without a dad? The brother with the low golf handicap lives in a "compound" in South Carolina... a group of homes owned by his wife's family. How about flying Lucas down there to spend a week with his four cousins during the summer?

I don't know... I guess I'm just disappointed and confused as to why they would disconnect from him this way. Tony's parents died young... his mother died shortly after we were married, of cancer, in 1993. His father died of ALS two years later. I think if they were still alive things would be different. In the meantime, I have to try and answer Lucas' questions about his dad's side of the family. Not to mention his 25 year-old half-brother Ryan, whom Lucas worships, who hasn't made any contact at all since Tony's death. Then again, he barely sees his own child.

I'm just venting, I guess. When we attended the bereavement group there were others who had similar experiences, so I guess it's not that uncommon. I don't know whether that makes me feel better or worse, because it's a sad commentary on human behavior. Thankfully, I already know that the boy I'm raising didn't inherit his compassion-bone from his dad's side of the family.